Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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