so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
