Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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