If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
