I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
