rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
