I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize