I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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