Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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