And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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