I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
