I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
