but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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