hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
