I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
