I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize