I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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