i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
