I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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