Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
