saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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