And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There r osticjed everywhere
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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