I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i've created a new STD.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
