I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
