They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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