Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
