I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
