then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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