youre lurking in front of me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
