So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
