did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
