Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
