Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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