Got a toothbrush?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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