Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
