maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
