She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
