I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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