Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There r osticjed everywhere
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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