I want to make a zoo with you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
