I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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