My room smells like vodka and shame
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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