was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
