omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
