my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
