Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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