i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize