I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
