your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
