dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
there is puke in my bra ... again
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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