hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
