I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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