I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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