Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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