I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
