I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
