im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
