At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
