Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
