My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
