Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
