2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Still dying that you shit outside
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
