dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
