Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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