3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize