Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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