god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
