she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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